15th January – self-compassion

Practice having self-compassion

At the moment we are all dealing with so many different pressures and sources of stress. I am hearing every day from my patients about the challenges they are facing: changes to work, working from home, being furloughed, being out-of-work, key-workers being overworked and busier than ever to meet the demands of the pandemic, parents trying to juggle the demands of homeschooling and working at home, people who have been unwell, people with unwell relatives, the list just goes on and on and on…

One thing which almost all of my patients say to me when they tell me how difficult they are finding things is “I feel dreadful even mentioning it, I know everyone else has got the same problems at the moment, I should be able to manage…”

One of things I often say in response to this is just because lots of other people are struggling at the moment, it does not mean that you are struggling any less.

We need to be kind to ourselves, to acknowledge when things are difficult, and accept that we are feeling bad at the moment. This helps us give ourselves time and space, so then we can rest and recuperate and put positive things in place to help us to move forward. But instead, we put more pressure on ourselves and resist the negative feelings because of the belief that we “should” be able to cope, which just adds to our stress levels.

The first step is to acknowledge what is happening for us at the moment: It’s ok to be struggling, it’s ok to not manage to do everything we think we ought to be doing. We need to speak to ourselves in the same way we would speak to a friend – offering ourselves care and compassion, rather than berating ourselves for our perceived shortcomings.

Self-compassion is a habit which takes time and practice. Often we’re in the habit of telling ourselves off and beating ourselves up when things are not going to plan, and these habits are hardwired into our way of thinking. But if we practice speaking kindly to ourselves then it can become a way of life which gives us a positive place from which to start.